You know those early days of new love, when you are absolutely and exquisitely enamored with the object of your affection? In absolute awe of your possession you spend hours skin to skin, limbs intertwined. It is whispers and laughter….and little silly prying questions. I do not remember the hour, but it was definitely in one of these moments while straddling his lap I leaned back and asked, “ What is the craziest thing a woman has ever done to you ?” His chest heaves a bit and he closes his eyes and says, “Well, lots of things, but the most recent was I was seeing a chick and because I didn't answer my phone she showed up at my place banging on the door at 5 am.” I giggle, and ask “ How many times did you sleep with her after she did that ?” He replies, “Idk, maybe 2 or 3 more times.” I sigh…… “Oh, you’re one of THOSE guys.”
It is always a shock when what appears to be a disciplined and accomplished man is also common in the way of desiring the dangerous, unstable, emotionally toxic woman, “BPD chick”. While a woman showing up at your home uninvited and unannounced is low on the spectrum of crazy behavior there are a myriad of ways it could go very bad, very quickly. So, why then continue to deal with the crazy? Why open the door why sleep with it again and again and reward this behavior and the violation of your boundaries?
When the world is too safe, men will thrill seek in women. Have we made the world too safe at the cost of stable relationships or mate preferences ? Men used to have warfare, political intrigue, piracy, marauding and the ever pressing dilemma of finding, catching and killing meat (LOL) as an outlet for their aggressive instincts. There was also another outlet …..courtesans and mistresses, but that is another topic for another day.
Danger is astonishingly seductive. When men are relied on to be reasonable and rational most of the time, the irrational is extremely attractive to them. In times past when men were often not home for stretches of time it was imperative to have a stable wife as you could not afford chaos at home as the world was much more hostile. In times of extreme comfort and safety perhaps men feel more comfort in the frivolity of choosing to couple with the emotionally toxic woman?
The siren, offers a release from the constraints of life, emotions are always charged in her presence, in pursuing her a man can lose control over himself, which he yearns to do. This is loosely paraphrased from Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction. The view of danger, challenge and maybe even death (LOL) is critical to seduction, it adds the emotional excitement that is so specifically appealing to men today. The lure of something or someone dangerous is even more appealing as it is also forbidden. Many men, especially men that have to be reasonable and rational regularly and do not have an outlet, also have a masochistic tendency that draws them to the emotionally toxic woman. Sirens or emotionally toxic women are also famously irrational, for instance why in the dead of night would you travel to bang on a mans door ? (LOL) That fantastical irrationality is wildly attractive to many man in their current oppressed and bored state. Fear is also deeply critical, sudden change of mood, keeping him off balance and intimidating him with wild erratic behavior all deepens the thrill.
Men are “hormonal” too … I have heard male friends say a thousand times, “hoes/crazy girls are more fun.” That may feel like its true as men require competition, there is a hormonal, bio feedback loop associated with aggressive outlets and engaging in competition. If one has no other outlet to feed this they will seek it out in their personal relationships. There are a plethora of studies measuring cortisol and testosterone levels pre and post fight among martial artists. The greater the number of threats, fights and attacks the greater the hormonal titer of cortisol and testosterone. I am sure there is even more to the social neuroendocrinolgy associated with why men like crazy women. (LOL) The point is men are getting a hormonal surge by engaging with women that are dangerous. It would probably make a great study, very interesting how the body will have its biological and sex specific needs met by any means necessary and with whatever tools available.
Perhaps instead of thrill seeking with mentally and emotionally unstable women, join Judo or Jiu Jitsu ? (LOL) Do not be one of THOSE guys….