Femininity Coaches?

Trying to stay committed to writing something daily hasn’t been difficult, but some of the things I am working on take more than a day to generate.  

In the meantime, in the shower this evening I was thinking about, “femininity coaches.” It seems there are new ones popping up on Twitter and TikTok. Some of the older more established coaches are still churning out videos on what to wear when doing this or that, what to order on a date and general dating advice. One video YouTube with over 800,000 views describes angel essence and imbibing the ancient feminine energies to inspire confidence. Combing poise, makeup, hair and demeanor so beauty can be sensed, as well as seen. “An angel is honest and gentle with boundaries….” I get the point; the influencer is trying to show women how to be softer. There is obviously a market for this, some women seem anxious for guidance. I think femininity and masculine coaching gaining acclaim has contributed to the belief that gender is fluid and largely performative, as the coaches largely focus on the performative aspects of gender and not the spiritual or the “anima corporum” of femininity.

I have tweeted about this before but it’s my belief and experience that a strong, capable and loving father is best at teaching a woman about some aspects of femininity. They are best at constructive criticism; they know the weaknesses and faults of women and can therefore forewarn you of flaws in our nature that affect many of the female sex. They also know men and can guide you and give you intel on how to avoid or weather the wiles of men. Femininity should be palpable and visible not just surface and performative.  

I think the perfect guidebook on femininity is the Bible. I don’t mean this in a Bible banging, evangelical way. There are many examples of different forms of femininity presented in the Bible. If you just focus on and ponder the actions and spirit of the different women and their stories you find many and varied proposals of womanhood and their embodiment. I am not going to review the multitude of famous women in the bible and what I believe their particular “brand” of femininity is. I think if you follow me closely enough on Twitter then you know what I think of Eve and her sisterhood of “apple-biters” (LOL). Outside of any religious affiliation I think the Bible can be regarded as a historical guidebook a collection of stories that can serve as a detailed history and mythology of human nature and the human condition.

Abigail is the only woman in the Bible described as both beautiful and intelligent. “she is of good sense and beautiful in looks,” Abigail has always resonated with me not for the aforementioned reasons but for her resourcefulness, bravery and righteousness. As a sidenote it bothers me that bravery in women is often portrayed as feminist and has largely been appropriated by feminists. To make a semi long story short Abigail was married to the wealthy, boorish Nabal, she marries David, the future king of Israel, after Nabal’s death. While running a “protection racket” in the area of Carmel, David asks for provisions for himself and his men which Nabal refuses, David prepares to slaughter him and his household. Abigail quickly intervenes, sending a feast ahead and speaking to David. She gives an eloquent speech; she persuades him to shed no blood and prophesies that he will be king. Nabal dies. David then sends for Abigail to become his wife as she intimated. She becomes David’s third wife and is with him at many key moments in his career. As pointed out by Adele Berlin, “in contrast to the story of Bathsheba the story of Abigail has no illicit sex, though the opportunity was present; the Bathsheba story revolves around an illicit relationship. In the Abigail story, David, the potential king, is seen as increasingly strong and virtuous, whereas in the Bathsheba story, the reigning monarch shows his flaws ever more overtly and begins to lose control of his family.” Righteous opportunism and self-preservation are essential manifestations of femininity. What we lack in physical strength as women must be supplemented by careful observation and tasteful execution of opportunism. Abigail saw her occasion born out of a dangerous moment to not only subvert the slaughter of innocent men that would suffer due to her husband’s willful stupidity but also for herself.  She committed no sin while artfully extricating herself. I only relay her example because this is the exact spirit of femininity I ascribe to. The type that symbolizes the resourceful, adaptive mind, the ability to invent, plan, conspire, cope and survive. I suppose the mentioning of Abigail’s beauty is not an accident and is used to support her intellectual control over nature or chaos.

What most so-called femininity coaches are teaching is a misrepresentation of femininity and presents it as a parody with energies neurotically directed at affectations of femininity. What they are coaching women in is a type of veiled vampirism. Feminine means “she who suckles,” so really any woman that has not breastfed even if they have birthed a child is not “feminine.” (LOL). Don’t be in a rush to be and do what everyone else is, chances are they have no idea what they are talking about. Be thoughtful, study and careful about what you are imbuing.